


the sweetness of the fall

by Kangoo



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angel, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28693185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kangoo/pseuds/Kangoo
Summary: "How did you break them?"
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Kudos: 31





	the sweetness of the fall

**Author's Note:**

> in which evan was connor's guardian angel and couldn't save him, so he deliberately fell so he could call 911 because angel can't use phones i guess  
> point is he chose to Fall and is having a very anxious and awkward time as a human because learning how to Eat and Breathe is actually rather hard
> 
> ms murphy: you are like his guardian angel!  
> evan: hahaha y ea h

“How did you break them?”

Connor jerks his chin toward Evan, the fractured, feathered shadows projected on the wall by his desk light. Evan doesn’t follow the movement. He looks down like if he pretends to be staring at his homework hard enough the question would disappear.

Connor, of course, doesn’t even consider dropping the subject.

He wants to say, _I jumped_.

He wants to say, _I failed._

He wants to say, _I_ _lost my way._

What he ends up saying is, “I fell.”

The word burns his tongue, coating his throat like ashes and blood, rattling behind his ribs like the impact of his _essence-body-soul_ hitting the ground. If he thinks about it he can still feel the way his wings shattered like spun glass, shards of light and music scattering around him. The sound of it is burned in his mind, the terrible tolling of a silver bell still echoing in his mind when it’s dark out and he’s staring at the sky, longing for the icy taste of altitude on his tongue.

The truth is hard to explain and harder to describe, and the afternoon is too sweet to ruin.

Connor hums, unconvinced. “You’re just a regular fallen angel, huh?” He says it like he doesn’t believe it, like it’s a joke they’re both in on. Evan is many things, is the wind shaking the crown of trees in summer and the last ray of sunshine on an October evening and many more ineffable ideas, but a regular angel is not any of them. Not anymore. “Are they gonna heal?”

“They might,” he says. _They won’t_ , he doesn’t add. It’s a choice he’s made with full knowledge of the consequences and he refuses to regret it.

“Cool.”

Connor looks at his nails, out the window, anywhere but at him. But Evan is old, older than the city and the ruins it was built upon, and somewhere along the line he has learned to be patient, so he quietly waits for Connor to continue.

“For what it’s worth-” he clears his throat. “I’m- glad that you’re here now. Even though it must have hurt like hell.”

It has.

He looks at the homeworks scattered on the sheets to hide his fond smile.

“So am I,” he says, voice soft, hardly shaking for once. There is something brittle and sharp resting on his tongue, resentment and fear and burning, raging, terribly _human_ love sitting behind his teeth like the cold kiss of the wind when he fell, and he is careful to keep it there, hidden and safe.

**Author's Note:**

> come haunt me on [tumblr](https://youngster-monster.tumblr.com/)


End file.
